A lot of times people assume, I myself am guilty of doing this too. We assume that we know what the other person is thinking or not thinking. We assume that they are lying, or looking for a handout, or using us. When someone walks in our office or space we don’t have a clue what happened to them an hour, a day, or years before they entered that room. One thing I had to learn was to not judge a book by its cover, always keep an open mind, a listening ear and learn to ask questions. A lot of times when people walk into a place looking for help they are judge, I have been through this experience. You walk away feeling worse, more lost and frustrated. It’s such a yucky feeling when someone judges you. And when someone assumes something about you and treats you badly it hurts, and it does damage.
Watch your words and watch your actions. I tell my niece and nephew that kind people don’t go around hurting people. People who do say hurtful things are being mean, people who hurt other people are being mean. Those mean people are angry, sad or hurting because someone or something hurt them. It’s a harsh truth to hear but at the same time it’s totally life changing when you can truly hear it. Once we become more mindful of our words, actions and how we are treating people we make a change. A lot of times we aren’t living in the moment, we are worried about the past or stressing out about the future. We are not mindful of what we are doing, we don’t realize it and when we do realize it we feel anger, guilt or shame. We start beating ourselves up and we can be pretty damn mean to ourselves.
The following song is a perfect example of making an assumption, when we hear certain words or see certain things we assume we can figure out the rest. Yes, some people have psychic abilities and can see the future, but most people can’t do so. The following song is called Miss Suzie.
Miss Suzie had a steamboat
The steam boat had a bell
Miss Suzie went to heaven
The steamboat went to
Hello operator please give me number 9….
And it goes on…
The example is you assume what they’re going to say, and you think they are going to say something bad. Yet it takes a complete different turn. That is the same when we interact with someone, when we assume in a negative way then we take away from our self as well as others. We take away opportunities.
I had a youth who was having problems with another girl at school. This girl thought that this youth was staring at her because she didn’t like her. She assumed based on negative feelings and memories. However, the youth was looking at her because she really liked her sweater. They ended up becoming enemies and it escalated to a fight eventually. Assuming took it into a negative direction. If she had just asked the youth why she was looking at her in a curious tone, the youth would have told her that she really liked her sweater. They probably could have become friends. It’s sad when assuming ruins opportunities, we assume people or things are a certain way and we don’t like them, yet in reality we could have a lot in common and could be the best of friends or situations could be the best thing that happens to us.
Learning how to be mindful and in the moment keeps us grounded and aware of our actions, words, how we are treating our self and others. When we catch ourselves, we can check our self before we wreck our self. The more we become aware the more we change and grow. It’s a process and it takes time but enjoy all the little steps and celebrate them. I myself was always focused on the big picture. I had to do a lot of reflection and continue to do so because I didn’t’ realize how much healing and growing I had done. We need to learn to be mindful, live in the moment, be thankful and enjoy life. We are strong, and we can get through the worse of the worse and we know this because we have done it. We are doing it. Life is going to be rough at times. But we are resilient, we are smart and unique and have many gifts and strengths that will help us.
If you are going to assume, assume something good is going to happen, assume the other person may know something that you don’t and can teach you something new, everything happens for a reason and makes you wiser and stronger. Don’t let your fear or negative emotions make up beliefs or scenarios in your mind. When someone does hurt your feelings remember that they are hurting too. Don’t take what they do or say personal. Always be kind with your words and if you catch yourself assuming something stop, acknowledge what you are doing and think of a better option or change those negative thoughts to positive ones. You will be creating more positive outcomes for your-self and very thankful.
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